I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
