Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
