i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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