Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
