How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
