When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
