this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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