i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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