You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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