The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
