my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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