I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
