Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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