if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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