glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Houston, we have a squirter
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
