Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he thought i was a dude.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
