I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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