I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
