I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
