i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
