I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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