Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
