I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
