THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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