Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
