got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
