nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Umm I'm too high to move.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
