A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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