my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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