I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
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There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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