Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
