never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
