my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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