my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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