Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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