I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
