garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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