You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
