Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
try to milk me bitch
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