she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
