help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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