just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
