Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
