he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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