dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
