my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize