oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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