i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
