I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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