ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
