i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I AM VODKA MAN
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The struggles of a small town man whore
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
