I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
