i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
