I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
