I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
