I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
