So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
