He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
