dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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