do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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