when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
