I'm going to jail i love you
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
