there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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