no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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