Whod you bang
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
