Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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