Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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