So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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