if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
