I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
