after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
