dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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